Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
