I faked an abortion last night.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
