you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
