I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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