I think i peed on brittanys purse
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
