Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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