I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
