Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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