I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
