Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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