Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
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And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
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She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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