Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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