They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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