pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
