tell your sister to shave her snatch
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
