I understand Curling. That high.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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