3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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