As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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