woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
