he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
