Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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