I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
