he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
