Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
