my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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