My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
