Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Even my vagina gasped.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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