If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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