He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
