woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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