i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
