the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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