I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
