I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
