Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
