It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
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so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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