hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
