That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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