my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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