He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
