I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
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how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
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I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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