I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
