it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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