My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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