Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
