Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
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It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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