Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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