Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
