I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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