we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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