The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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