glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
no, he came in my armpit
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
