and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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