she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
