The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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